Although he is technically my stepfather, to me he has always just been dad. Donald Ackerman was dad from the moment my mother and he matched online.
After two failed marriages, each resulting in a child, imagine my poor mother being mortified at her toddler crawling on the table and sticking her grubby hands into her date’s plate. While she was about ready to crawl under a rock from embarrassment, my future stepfather handled everything like a seasoned pro – not at all showing the lone, inexperienced and independent bachelor he was.
As we all walked back to the car after dinner and I continued to be a nuisance to my mother’s date, tiny me remained completely oblivious to the romance my troublemaking behavior sparked.
“You were just a nightmare,” my mother said, recounting the story to my sister and me years later. “Afterwards, he was holding your hand and talking to you, and people told him, ‘you have such a beautiful daughter.’ He just smiled and said thank you. I remember thinking, ‘if this man ever calls me again, I’m going to marry him.’”
And three months later, she did. I got my very first sister and my new dad was hurdled into the whirlwind of parenting and being a father to three children.
Through all the difficult firsts and getting used to the new tasks that came with the title ‘Dad,’ he always made a point to take care of my sister and me. Whether it was making our favorite cinnamon rolls and pancakes in the morning or filling our car with gas and getting the oil changed, dad never complained about the early mornings or the long nights.
“As a Dad you’ve been given so much – you’ve worked hard and put others ahead of yourself. You’ve been there with love, encouragement, and strength …,” my sister’s perfectly selected Father’s Day Hallmark card read on our behalf.
For my older brother and me, Donald Ackerman was the only father present in our lives, and he has always gone above and beyond to make sure his kids knew they are loved. Every hot Floridian summer day, weekend at the park, every ice cream, camping trip, teenage heartbreak and concert – he was always there.
When I was younger, I used to believe that if I was good enough, perfect enough, my biological father would come back to me, and the truth was my real dad was constantly by my side. I just didn’t see it, that is until my brother completed suicide. But my dad has constantly been my steadfast rock.
“… through the good times and a few tough spots too. Some of your plans probably took a back seat, but you never let on.”
While many could’ve and maybe would’ve left, my dad has continually supported us. He provided for us as we grieved my brother, and cared for my mother during her battle with breast cancer. Statistically, according to a 2009 NBC News article, most men are shown to cheat or leave women when they are life-threateningly sick, but my dad has always been one to defy odds – especially when it came to a recent war with his own health.
Fighting stage four cancer and undergoing several chemo treatments, my dad has been a personal inspiration for not backing down from an impossible challenge, and doing so with one’s head held high and a heart full of hope. Never showing fear once, even though the rest of us were holding on by a thread at times, Dad faced cancer like he does everything – with an incomparable sense of humor and an unbendable will.
“And though I may have wondered how you did it all… I’ve never had to wonder why. Because love’s at the heart of all you do. And on days like this I just want to say thank you.”
Thank you, Dad, for being better than any father I could have ever asked or wished for, and I am so grateful to be your daughter. Every accomplishment I earn or challenge I overcome can be drawn back to you and your love for a stubborn, messy, complicated girl who could not keep her greedy toddler hands to her own mother’s plate.
For love is not about blood or shared DNA, as you taught me, love and parenthood is about showing up for your kid and staying when times get impossibly tough.
So Happy Father’s Day, Dad, and to every father out there who has ever gone above and beyond for his child.
