I wrote a column not too long ago titled, “Kindness is not a four letter word,” where I expounded on my thoughts about how we need to return to showing kindness and empathy in our political discourse.
There is more, I believe, that can be observed and discussed on this topic, and I don’t believe that it takes much energy for people to change their behavior by eliminating the toxins that make them feel that insensitivity, outright hateful language and even violence are acceptable.
We are lucky in Augusta, in that, it seems over the generations, we learned that taking to the streets with torches, damaging people’s property and advocating outright violence against political leaders and people who support them is not the proper way to demand and usher in change over our political landscape.
Before I get into a rant about how we should all be singing Kumbaya, I will acknowledge that some people are simply letting their emotions and their mouths get ahead of their brains, and these people can usually be talked off their ledge with some common sense; however, there are others who are past the point of being capable of rational discussion.
These are people who are so narcissistic and, I would say, brainwashed, that they not only advocate “keying” someone’s new Tesla, but they want to see the Tesla dealership torched as well. These people, ones who place a premium on and demand tolerance, acceptance even adoption of their views, but advocate violence against anyone daring to disagree are no less a criminal than Che Guevarra and must be treated as such.
Only the experience of being locked inside of a jail cell will deter their behavior and the elected officials that foment this barbarousness should be turned out of office on their ears.
When people say, and I have heard more than one person say it: “Because Trump did (plug in whatever policy you want) this, I wish someone would blow up the White House!,” keep in mind that their emotions are overriding their common sense.
All it takes to bring them back to Earth, is to reply: “But what about the people who work at the White House who have nothing to do with Trump’s policies, like the cooks, housekeepers, gardeners and folks providing security.Did you take into account that those people would die too if the White House was bombed?”
Usually, that makes the combative other person’s innate sense of compassion kick in, and they back away from their violent rhetoric.
That doesn’t always work, and if the other person doubles-down on the “Save democracy by killing Elon” talk, it is best not to waste energy by trying to inject sanity in the conversation.
Some people cannot be helped. They are so overly self-aware and so committed to smirky virtue signaling as a way to prove superiority that they can’t stand back for a moment and realize how ridiculous, and criminal, they sound.
There is a fellow here in Augusta, and you may be aware of him as he is constantly finding a TV news camera to stand in front of and talk about his family’s legacy in August. He dutifully organizes cleanups downtown. Over the years, I have devoted tons of ink to help publicize his efforts.
Recently, he sent me a message that he was ending his subscription because he felt that The Augusta Press had gone “far rightwing” and that the paper advocated the persecution of LGTBQ+ people.
Huh? The Augusta Press?
In his text, my activist friend pointed out a specific column that had been published in TAP. Just exactly who wrote the column is immaterial. This person wrote what was on their mind, and it did not violate either AP standards or TAP standards, and we published the column, as per our policy.
At first, I wrote him back and reminded him that the LGBTQ+ folks have “caught the car,” so to speak. Gay marriage has become a cultural norm and aside from study results from iffy academics that, upon examination, do not hold up to scrutiny, gay people are some of the least people who face the evils of bigotry and discrimination.
In fact, hate crimes against gays is such a taboo in our society that dim-witted “celebrities” are faking being the victims of such crimes so they can get a coveted spot on Oprah’s couch where they can cry crocodile tears and bask in their victimhood.
I also reminded this person that I personally have always advocated total equality under the law for gay people, so much so that I was asked to be the emcee for the first Gay Pride Festival held in Augusta. I took my toddler-aged daughter to the festival, and we all had fun.
Thinking that I could talk rationally with him, I invited him to call me.
Boy, was that a mistake.
When he called me, rather than attempting a polite conversation, he went into verbal attack mode, and began reading the published column with his voice getting shriller by the second.
Like a petulant adolescent, he accused me of being homophobic for simply working at the same newspaper that published the column as if I had anything to do with publishing the perceived offensive material.
Trust me, I don’t have that kind of pull at TAP. I can’t call the executive editor up and demand she publishes a column that violates our standards.
He called me a Nazi…A Nazi!
Putting on his best impersonation of Bianca Del Rio, he bellowed into the phone, “This is YOUR problem, CHILD,” and promptly hung up and ended the call.
I then noticed that he had dumped me from his social media.
In practical application, while I am not going to ignore his group’s downtown cleanup efforts and refuse to publicise their work, I am not going to go out of my way to praise his efforts like I did before.
That is not because I am a homophobe, but because I don’t reward boorishness.
It was a bridge he didn’t have to burn, but he did it anyway. So while I might make a passing reference to an upcoming cleanup event, I am not going to drag my lazy carcass out of bed early on a Saturday morning and drive from Evans to downtown to provide a photojournalism spread on his activities unless my publisher offers me “hazardous duty pay.”
With this person, no amount of talking common sense will change his mind. So the only thing I can do is avoid wasting my energy and wasting my precious time engaging.
It really concerned me that “experts” on both the left and the right were all over the TV this last holiday season talking about how the best way to avoid conflict was either to not invite family members of a different political persuasion or to avoid talking politics completely.
That would mean I couldn’t invite my transgender cousin Jake, and I don’t want to do that. Jake is always the life of the party.
This idea people should separate off into groups even within our own families is not “expert” advice. It is divisive to set parameters of who might attend a party by what color political stripe they wear on their lapel; to me, it is compounding the felony to suggest that rather than having a polite disagreement over politics or religion around the dinner table, we should consider those topics verboten and mindlessly prattle on about the weather or let Uncle Joe ruminate on how back in his day, a Coke cost a nickel.
Most writers, I am finding, attribute this idea to the following quote from Jonathon Swift:
“You cannot reason someone out of something he or she was not reasoned into.”
Well, that may be true, but that does not mean that grown, mature adults shouldn’t discuss the world around them or allow their opinions to be known; and there are people, including those in your own family, who will listen to reason, if your reasoning is solid and you make a conscious effort to quell your emotions.
In fact, that “old” adage is actually a rather recent one, from the Revolution all the way through, at least, the early part of the 20th century, people were candid about their political thoughts. According to Philip Dawe, in his book, “The Bostonians Paying the Excise-man, or Tarring and Feathering,” displaying loyalist tendencies post-1776 i some colonies like Georgia would not get one tarred and feathered, but being a tax collector for the King might.
In my opinion, it is healthy to discuss politics at the dinner table or over a round of coffee or cocktails. The fact that we, as humans, can communicate beyond pheromones and yelps, is what sets us apart from the animals. Problem solving becomes problematic when people lose the ability to calmly discuss the problem.
In keeping the conversation genteel and productive, here are some tips I employ:
Try to find common ground by using the phrase, “well, we both can agree that…”
Instead of brashly tearing down the other person’s argument, try to find something they said that you do agree with and reply with, “You make a really good point.” Using that as a spring-board, you can guide the conversation to point out where you have disarmed the other person, and they will become more open to listen to what part of their argument you disagree with.
Avoid using citations unless you are asked for them. Saying, “Well, the Supreme court ruled in Dumass v. Gooberhed in 1948, just say, “Well, I think the courts have put that one to bed.” If asked, then clarify with your citation.
Feeling like you have to offer every thought with an expert citation only makes one look like a know-it-all, and no one likes a know-it-all.
Be a good listener and always be more open to changing your own mind than being hell-bent on winning an argument or changing the other person’s opinion; keep in mind that the other person may actually be right, at least some of the time. If you go into it with a humble attitude, you will be amazed how quickly people drop their curtain of pretentiousness.
Keep the middle lane of your conversation empty and be ready to swerve into the middle lane by acknowledge that both of you may be right about a certain issue or political problem, you merely only disagree on how to handle the issue or solve the problem.
Avoid cursing. That shows your emotions are building up in an unhealthy manner.
Be kind in your language. Trying to be clever and cheeky by saying something like, “Well, I know you are an imminent historian, but…” That is actually an insult, and most people can pick up on that, making you not just a know-it-all but a real jackass as well.
And don’t call the other person a child, that’s childish.
Scott Hudson is the Senior Investigative Reporter, Editorial Page Editor and weekly columnist for The Augusta Press. Reach him at scott@theaugustapress.com
