In an Allstate commercial “Baseball Dad” says, “It doesn’t matter if you win or lose the game, but that’s what LOSERS say!” Another phrase is in a race “Second place is the first loser.” People love winners. They can feel victory vicariously even if they aren’t the winner or even playing in the game. They can even benefit from the release of nature’s feel good drug endorphins.
We live in a world that celebrates achievement and victory. The top platform in the Olympics is for the GOLD medal winner. Ticker tape parades are held in the cities of professional sports teams. The president historically invites the winning team to the White House.
The statement, “Not everyone is a winner” may stir up anger in parents of kids in sports. At the youngest level, teams don’t even keep scores. As they grow through different levels, rules such as everyone gets to bat, outs aren’t counted and every kid gets a trophy, are in place. I propose adults send a bad message at some stage of a child’s life with this “Just get out there and have fun” mentality.
There are valuable lessons in the inevitable failure. Rather than blame some universal bias or look for external reason for failure, a person should analyze the reason behind loss. Resolve to work harder, practice harder towards perfection, physically develop one-self to a higher level. They should resolve towards a winning mental attitude, which drives them to try harder. When we fail it teaches us to cope with disappointment. We learn to persevere, adapt and improvise. We self-assess and learn to work on improvement of weakness and capitalize on strengths. Thomas Edison said “I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Society frequently promotes the idea that everyone should strive to be the best, whether in academics, sports, or careers. The concept of diversity, equity and inclusion have hyper-sensitized this concept negatively. Participation trophies and “everyone wins” mentalities are intended to boost self-esteem, but they sometimes ignore real world challenges and fail to prepare people for setbacks. Not everyone can take home the top prize.
So, let us not negate the benefits of a struggle to be a winner with a false myth that participation is equal to excelling or winning. Failure naturally forces us to seek improvement. Failure may simple direct our activities toward an avocation more suited to our God given talents. 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 points out that there are many parts to a person’s body, each having a specific function vital to the function of the whole. The foot (feet) propel us as bipods. Hands grip and grasp, but not without the ever crucial opposable thumb. So, if the eye tries to hear, if the hand tries to walk, our bodies are out of order. Such is the world. We need skilled workers in plumbing, electrical, etc. We need scientists, doctors and truck drivers. I propose with effort there is a place for everyone in today’s society. Finding that slot is sometimes a life journey. Harland Sanders was 60 years old when he opened his first Kentucky Fried Chicken store.
So parents, with love and praise where appropriate, encourage a child’s effort and determination. Then teach them how to accurately and realistically identify where improvement is needed. Once identified, help them develop exercises or other techniques (don’t disregard the power of positive thinking) to improve and edge ever closer to being a winner. At the very least, set their sights on “most improved.”
