(Editor’s note: This column contains innuendo that could potentially offend some people. We warn the public to read at their own risk.)
Politicians love to pass laws, and while the Georgia General Assembly only meets for 40 days each year, members still have managed to enact legislation that is not just peculiar but downright crazy in some cases.
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People complain about helmet and seatbelt laws being overly restrictive of personal freedom, and they certainly are debatable even for people who do not mind the risk involved, i.e. idiots; however, some laws in Georgia that remain on the books today simply defy logic and common sense.
It is illegal in Georgia to place a donkey in a bathtub. Therefore, if you have a dirty, smelly. . . donkey, then it is best to hose it off in the front yard to avoid a ticket.
An ordinance in Atlanta bans men from giving other men piggyback rides on public sidewalks. Male-on-female and female-on-male are allowed under the law, but male-on-male piggybacking is prohibited.
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It is against the law to eat chicken with a fork in Gainesville, which probably explains why Donald Trump never held a rally in that Georgia city. So, if you travel to Gainesville, remember to make it finger lickin’ good or pay the poultry penalty.
Speaking of chicken, it is illegal in Columbus to decapitate a chicken on Sunday. I hear that most people ignore the law because the fine is less than chicken feed. No word on whether this applies to licensed butchers or just regular chicken decapitators. Choking the chicken is apparently okay.
In the town of Quitman, chickens are forbidden from crossing the road, so it appears that the fine folks in Quitman will not be the ones to settle that age-old question.
In Macon, it is illegal to spit on the sidewalk or street. So, if you are walking around Macon with a giant wad of tobacco in your mouth, it’s best to swallow rather than spit to avoid a summons.
It is against the law to place a dead bird on your neighbor’s lawn. It is unclear whether this law applies to cats.
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In Columbus, apparently the chicken decapitation capital of Georgia, it is also illegal to cuss on the phone. This begs the question: who might be listening in?
Someone needs to tell the folks who hold picnics out at Magnolia Cemetery that they are in violation of Georgia law. Apparently, officials believe that picnics in boneyards present a grave danger.
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Atlanta authorities are always on the lookout for giraffes tied to telephone and light poles, which is a violation of local law. It’s not clear exactly why this law was needed, as giraffes are not native to Georgia. But obviously, at some point, some idiot tethered his giraffe to a phone pole, necessitating an ordinance.
Speaking of idiots, throughout the entire state it is illegal to tease an idiot. This law is obviously not enforced; otherwise Sylvia Cooper would be in jail as a habitual offender.
Scott Hudson is the Senior Reporter for The Augusta Press. Reach him at scott@theaugustapress.com.
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