(Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of The Augusta Press.)
Dear Readers,
I’m beginning to think I must have the Kris Kristofferson Syndrome because Kristofferson wrote his best songs when he was drinking, and when he quit drinking his songwriting suffered. I, likewise, wrote some of my best columns when I was drinking. Not actually when I was drinking, but during that era. And since I came down with Covid in August, I haven’t had a drop of alcohol, and it has become harder and harder to understand why Augusta commissioners act the way they do, much less interpret it coherently. Consequently, I feel like my writing has suffered. So, as I see it, I’ve either got to start drinking again or quit writing and retire for good.
What do you think? And please advise whether you’re drinking at the time, so I’ll know how to take it.
Just How Long Do They Want Voting to Go On?
Augusta Commissioner Jordan Johnson, chairman of the Richmond County Democratic Party, and other Democrats called a press conference Wednesday to call for extending voting hours during early voting.
They said it was because early voting numbers in Richmond County lag behind other counties such as Columbus-Muscogee, Bibb, Chatham, Lowndes and Glynn.
So what? Aren’t there already enough days, hours and opportunities for everybody to vote who wants to vote instead of being coerced or bribed into it? Coercing and bribing voters used to be against the law. It probably still is, but who’s going to make a case against somebody giving free meals to eligible voters and then taking their Souls to the Polls?
Voting used to be on one day, too, and all votes would be counted that same day, barring some glitch in the voting equipment. Imagine that. Now, some Democrat cities say it will take two or three days to count the votes. Who’s fooled by that chicanery? More importantly, who’s going to do anything about it?
A Rose by Any Other Name …
The city’s interim Planning and Development Director Carla Delaney wants a kinder, gentler Code Enforcement in Augusta and wants to start by changing the name to Code Compliance.
Delaney also would like to divest code enforcement officers of their bulletproof vests because they smack of criminalizing property code violations. She said she wants to “soften the appearance of code enforcement and become more effective.”
Commissioner Ben Hasan said he favored being user friendly but wouldn’t support taking that protection away from the officers.
Delaney also wants to start a program called “Supply to Comply.” The program, which you will be paying $50,000 for next year, would supply vouchers to property owners who can’t afford tools to rent tools to help keep their properties up.
Nobody mentioned what would happen if the folks who rented the tools didn’t return them because they were stolen or something. Well, that would be another $50,000 or more of your tax money down the drain.
Delaney told members of the commission’s Public Services Committee that compliance instead of enforcement is a national trend which prompted Commissioner Brandon Garrett to ask, “Will people comply without some sort of enforcement?”
That was a good question, because if they don’t comply with enforcement, why would anybody think they’d comply without it? It just doesn’t make good sense unless the goal is to start another social program, God forbid!
And Delaney didn’t answer the question as I recall. She said with compassionate code enforcement, the priority is compliance. Or something like that.
She asked commissioners to have the city attorney revisit some codes that delay inspections and transfers of property, as well as the method of service for notifying property owners. Certified mail is required, and the post office is 30 days behind, she said.
Commissioner John Clarke said if the post office was 30 days behind on getting certified mail out, maybe the city should switch to Fed X.
Otherwise, the presentation by Delaney and Code Enforcement Manager Terrence Wynder was about the huge number of new cases annually, (3,900) the shortage of code enforcement officers (eight), and inadequate pay ($37,000 and benefits a year).
And nothing much has changed in at least 30 years except the amount of money the city spends on demolition. And still the number of run down, overgrown, dilapidated properties in Augusta grows.
Speaking of Ben Hasan, he seems to be working double-time to get some things done before his term expires at year’s end. Just last week, he made motions in committee to rename the Fifth Street Bridge, also known as the Jefferson Davis Memorial Bridge, the Freedom Bridge, and to have the attorney revisit the ordinance about adult entertainment being allowed only in industrial zones.
MORE: Column: Mayor Davis says Gold Cross is like Burger King
Happy Halloween Party
After trying to find the right venue for the city’s Halloween party, city officials chose the Boathouse because it looks like a run-down old mansion, large enough to hold all the spirits needed to make a great party.
Besides, it wouldn’t take a lot of decorating since it already had the cobwebs, bats and creaky floors. And they wouldn’t even have to have a dunking booth, and everybody could just take their chances of falling through the floor into the river.
But Code Compliance said, “You can’t have it there because the building is not in compliance.” But since “Code Enforcement” had been changed to “Code Compliance,” code compliance couldn’t enforce anything. Besides, they were too busy handing out vouchers to property owners to use to rent tools so they could clean up their out-of-compliance properties. So, commissioners ignored code compliance and had the party at the Boathouse anyway.
Music was provided by the ghost of Soul Brother No. 1, James Brown, who was singing all his hits of the past along with the ghosts of other past greats such as Bobby Pickett who was singing his 1962 hit “Monster Mash” continuously until Commissioner John Clarke showed up dressed as Johnny Cash singing, “I Fell into a Burning Ring of Fire” and “Hurt,” both of which he said were representative of his years on the Augusta Commission.
Mayor Hardie Davis had planned to come dressed as the Burger King, but when company officials found out about it, they filed an injunction because they didn’t want a Hardie representing Burger King. So, Davis got mad and went out of town to cuddle up with his consultant/employee so she could write some more press releases to bill the city for.
Tax Commissioner Chris Johnson came wearing a Steven Kendrick mask but didn’t fool anybody.
Sheriff Richard Roundtree came as the Invisible Man, and his Chief Deputy Pat Clayton came dressed as the sheriff because he said when he spoke it was the same as Roundtree speaking, which made some people wonder why they didn’t vote for Clayton in the first place instead of Roundtree. Then Marshal Ramone Lamkin showed up dressed as the sheriff, too.
The rumor mill has it that Clayton is thinking about running for sheriff of Columbia County, but why would he want to be sheriff of two counties with crime like it is?
Coroner Mark Bowen wasn’t invited to the Halloween party because every politician there was afraid he might slip up when a spirit moved him and start talking about where all the bodies are buried.
MORE: Sylvia Cooper: Commissioners miffed at praise
District Attorney Jared Williams came as a ghost, but not Casper the friendly ghost, which would have been a perfect costume for him since he ghosts everybody he doesn’t want to talk to.
Commissioner Ben Hasan came dressed as a Lame Duck. In January, he’ll be plain old Ben Hasan and not the Wizard of Oz running the city from behind the curtain.
Commissioner Catherine McKnight was there as a debutante clutching her pearls the entire night.
Commissioner Sean Frantom came as an octopus because he didn’t have to have a spine and could keep his tentacles in eight different government pies at one time.
Commissioner Bobby Williams came dressed as Rocky Balboa, but it fell flat because nobody made the connection to the Italian Stallion.
Commissioner Jordan Johnson came dressed as a homeless man handing out vouchers for tiny homes.
Commissioner Alvin Mason came dressed as a pitmaster from Mason’s Ribs because he didn’t have time to change before the party started.
Commissioner Brandon Garrett was wearing a Bill Clinton mask because he has aspirations to be president.
Commissioner Francine Scott came holding a gavel and politicking for mayor pro tem of the commission.
Incumbent District Commissioner Wayne Guilfoyle came as a zombie, having arisen from the politically dead. The challenge for Zombie Wayne after he’s sworn in will be to find brains to eat among his fellow commissioners on the dais.
Interim city Administrator Takiyah Douse came as the Queen Bee holding her Honey Pot and accompanied by here hive of worker bees and drones.
Finance Director Donna Williams, dressed as Morticia Adams, was dipping punch at the refreshment table, but everybody was complaining she was short pouring.
Former Mayor Bob Young was at a table by the door selling copies of his book, “The Hand of the Wicked.”
Former Mayor Deke Copenhaver was supposed to come, but he was afraid he’d have to break a tie during the costume contest, so he was halfway to Hilton Head by the time the party started.
Former Mayor Larry Sconyers was there, too, dishing out his famous barbecue and hash.
Gold Cross EMS and the fire department ambulances were outside on standby arguing about who would respond if somebody fell into the river. Gold Cross said they were the authorized lifeguards on duty in the zone. The Fire Department captain said Gold Cross might be the authorized lifeguards but not if he got there first. Savannah Riverkeeper Tonya Bonitatibus said that was a moot point because anything that fell into the river was hers.
Everybody danced until the witching hour and had a happy Halloween.
Sylvia Cooper is a columnist with The Augusta Press. Reach her at sylvia.cooper@theaugustapress.com
