Augusta commissioners voted unanimously for a resolution Tuesday opposing Georgia Senate bills aimed at tightening up election laws. The bills included things such as requiring a valid driver’s license or a photocopy to obtain absentee ballot applications, and the way absentee ballots are delivered. Also, ending no-excuse absentee voting by mail and allowing more partisan poll watchers to witness the vote counting process.
Well, in defense of those who really might not have wanted to vote for the resolution, Mayor Hardie Davis’s agenda item for them to vote on was, um, shall we say, slanted? It stated it was in opposition to Georgia senate bills 67, 68, 69, 71, 73, 74 “and other bills aimed at restricting methods available to Augusta residents to exercise their right to vote or cause undue financial burden on voters.”
The only way an Augusta elected official could have voted against it was if they were willing to vote against apple pie, motherhood, the American flag and their grandmother’s fried chicken, although to Republicans, the resolution was utter heresy. It was like trying to tax the rich or confiscate their guns.
Still, it seems like one or two commissioners would have had the moral courage to ask a question or two.
Say, like, “Mr. Mayor, why is the wording of this resolution so biased that voting against it would make me an enemy of the people?”
Oh well, I guess that’s asking too much.
Still, I just couldn’t see why somebody didn’t say something. So, I called a few commissioners to ask them why they didn’t.
Nothing in Politics is Set in Concrete
Commissioner John Clarke said it “wasn’t set in concrete” what the sponsors wanted to do with the bills but that he thought everybody ought to have a photo ID.
“You have to have a photo ID to drive or do just about any kind of legal transaction,” he said. “Yet, they want to yell and scream about a photo ID.”
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And as for absentee ballots, “An absentee ballot is a lazy person’s way of voting,” Clarke said. “If you are ill or out of the country; then you should be allowed to vote one-time absentee ballot. It’s like James Brown said, ‘Get on Up’ and go down and vote.
Clarke doesn’t like drop boxes either.
“Drop boxes should be done away with,” he said. “Unless you have an armed guard standing there 24 hours a day, and I don’t care if it’s Democrat, Republican, Green Party or Bird Control, you’re always going to have somebody take some of them. So far, none of the boxes have been stolen, but just because you haven’t slipped on ice and busted your butt doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen.”
Taking Some Heat
Clarke said he and Commissioner Catherine McKnight were at a Republican women’s group meeting after the vote, and the ladies were asking Catherine why she voted for the resolution.
“Catherine was getting a little perturbed, so I told them, I said, ‘Look, number one, we’re bi-partisan,” Clarke said. “Everybody knows we aren’t, but officially we are. And I’m going to tell you why resolutions are ‘feel-good, see me, look what I’m doing’ things. And in the scheme of things, they don’t accomplish much.
“When they’re sent to the Legislature, they say, ‘Look, here’s another one.’ And they’re going to go ahead and do what they’re going to do.”
Commissioner Brandon Garrett said he voted for the resolution because every bill that was presented had loopholes and did not fully address the issue the bill stated it was intended to address.
“I think they over-complicated it instead of keeping it simple,” he said.
“I support signature requirements for all mail-in ballots, and we need to make sure of the integrity of the voting system. I’m for that.”
Garrett said he doesn’t fully support ballot drop boxes.
“I wouldn’t be opposed to have to submit a copy of your photo ID on mail-in ballots,” he said.
McKnight said the resolution doesn’t have anything to do with commissioners because their votes don’t count in the Legislature.
“It’s like when we discussed and voted about the Augusta Judicial Circuit split,” she said. “It was almost pretty much done in Atlanta when we voted.”
Commissioner Sean Frantom, who represents a Republican-leaning district, also voted for the resolution. I called him Friday seeking his input and left a message, but he did not return the call.
Gone to the Dogs
Since voting in America has gone to the dogs with dogs and cats receiving absentee ballots in the mail and voting, these famous dogs are watching the big TV screen at their favorite hangout, “Bones Bar & Grill.” A news anchor is reporting that almost three dozen Democrats are asking Pres. Joe Biden to give up his sole control of U.S. nuclear weapons so that no single person can launch them. The jukebox in the corner is playing Hank Williams Jr.’s “Are You ready for Some Football?”
Are you ready
Are you ready
Are you ready, ready
Are you ready for some football?
A Monday night party
Hey, this is “Rocking” Randall Hank
Ready to get the good time started
We got the teams on the field
And we turned down the lights
All my rowdy friends are back for Monday night
Now everyone watches this prime time show
New York, Nashville, San Francisco
We love to watch the kickoff as the game begins
Pretty cheerleaders and last minute wins
The screaming crowd and the linebacker’s stare
Scrambling quarterbacks and signals in the air
Big hits are coming, the ‘backs are cutting inside
All my rowdy friends are here on Monday night.
Johnny: What a coincidence Hank’s song is playing while they’re announcing the Democrats want to take away Joe Biden’s football. Considering his dementia, it’s a good idea to keep him from getting up in the middle of the night, going outside and throwing a few passes.
Jerry Lee: Be Bop A Lula! That would be when the saints go marching in before they knew what hit ‘em. Will we be among that number when the saints go marching in?
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Johnny: I don’t know, Jerry Lee. All I know is I walk the line.
Jerry Lee: Until you fell into that burning ring of fire, you mean. Speaking of fire. Great balls of fire! How do you think ol’ Joe will take that? Sharing his football, I mean.
Johnny: He won’t like it, but he’ll forget about it soon enough. And the Democrats know it. That’s why they want to take the football out of his hands and pass it to the umpires for a decision on when to put him on the bench.
George: They knew he was in no shape to run the country. Democrat interference in Joe’s game was in the playbook before the election
Jessi Coulter: (comes in shaking her coat) Whew! It’s raining cats and dogs out there!
Waylon: I thought you were staying home tonight, Jessi.
Jessi: I thought I heard you calling my name. Anyway, why have you been gone so long? And what kind of playbook were you dogs talking about when I came in?
Johnny: We were talking about the Democrats trying to make sure Joe Biden doesn’t mess up and make it so we’ll never grow old.
Jessi: You mean to say….?
Jerry Lee: Listen, they’re playing my song. “There Stands the Glass.”
George: Did ya’ll watch Biden’s town hall meeting?
Jerry Lee: Good Golly, Miss Molly! When they asked him whether racial disparities in Covid 19 were a priority in his administration, he suggested that Hispanics and people in the hood were too dumb to go online to find out how to get in line for a shot at Walgreen’s.
George: But that wasn’t the worst part. He called Chinese President Xi Jping’s genocide and detention of more than a million Muslims, mostly Uyghurs, a cultural Chinese norm.
Merle: Biden’s getting’ on the fighting side of me. If you’re running down my country by getting in bed with China, you’re walking on the fighting side of me.
Waylon: How are you girls down on that end of the bar doing?
Kitty: We were just talking about the Democrats wanting to take the football away from Joe Biden before he makes the world go away and gets it off of our shoulders.
Patsy: Crazy.
Loretta: It’s the end of the world.
(They all order another round as jukebox plays Tom Lehrer’s, “We Will All Go Together When We Go.)
When you attend a funeral
It is sad to think that sooner o’
Later those you love will do the same for you
And you may have thought it tragic
Not to mention other adjectives,
to think of all the weeping they will do
But don’t you worry
No more ashes, no more sackcloth
And an armband made of black cloth
Will some day never more adorn a sleeve
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbors too
There’ll be nobody left behind to grieve
And we will all go together when we go
What a comforting fact that is to know
Universal bereavement
An inspiring achievement
Yes, we all will go together when we go
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We will all go together when we go
All suffuse with an incandescent glow
No one will have the endurance
To collect on his insurance
Lloyd’s of London will be loaded when they go
Oh, we will all fry together when we fry
We’ll be french fried potatoes by and by
There will be no more misery
When the world is our rotisserie
Yes, we will all fry together when we fry
Down by the old maelstrom
There’ll be a storm before the calm
And we will all bake together when we bake
There’ll be nobody present at the wake
With complete participation
In that grand incineration
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak
Oh, we will all char together when we char
And let there be no moaning of the bar
Just sing out a Te Deum
When you see that I.C.B.M.
And the party will be come-as-you-are
Oh, we will all burn together when we burn
There’ll be no need to stand and wait your turn
When it’s time for the fallout
And Saint Peter calls us all out
We’ll just drop our agendas and adjourn
You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas
Go directly, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollar’s
And we will all go together when we go
Every Hottenhot and every Eskimo
When the air becomes uranious
And we will all go simultaneous
Yes we all will go together
When we all go together
Yes, we all will go together when we go
Sylvia Cooper is a Columnist with The Augusta Press. Reach her at sylvia.cooper@theaugustapress.com
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