As Richmond County middle and high schoolers head back to the classroom on Monday, some parents and children are feeling the growing pains associated with hitting those milestones.
Samantha Pasquale is an Augusta mom of three who is experiencing two different milestones this school year as her eldest daughter, Penelope, heads to middle school and her son, Joseph, started preschool last week. She’s been reflecting on what it means for her and what it means for her children.
“Just realizing that she’s growing up, and she’s definitely not a kid anymore,” said Pasquale, whose daughter will attend John S. Davidson Fine Arts Magnet School.
While it’s all part of the process of watching her kids grow up and can be a little tough for her as a mom, Pasquale knows that it’s also a big change for her children, and she shares how her family is adjusting to the changes.
“It’s just been great to see that transition, and it’s also kind of a juxtaposition with my youngest who is going into school. He’s going into Pre-K, and it’s bittersweet, but I’m mostly just really excited honestly, and the new seasons they are starting in,” said Pasquale.
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Since her son, Joseph, and her middle child, Zipora, started school earlier than Penelope, Pasquale was able to spend the extra time with Penelope to talk about important family values, prepare for going to a new school, and how to avoid possible oncoming peer pressure.
“Well, we’ve kind of had to talk because she’s going to be in a school with high school and middle school kids. She’s also going to be riding with high schoolers in the morning, so just talking about our values and how she should just be herself,” said Pasquale. “She shouldn’t have to fall into the crowd, and she’s free to ask me any sorts of questions since she’s going to be exposed to a lot this year.”
Dr. Karen Carter, a Child Development Specialist and owner of Augusta Developmental Specialists, said in preparation for new life stages, such as high school or middle school, parents need to talk with their children and help alleviate possible fears by comforting them and identifying their anxieties.
“Talk about it a lot and acknowledge their feelings. A lot of parents try to say ‘Oh you’ll be fine; it’s just a new school, but it’s a big deal to kids. Parents need to understand that it is a big deal;, don’t just blow it off,” said Carter. “Try to anticipate what the issues might be and find solutions or comfort them. ‘You’re not going to know where the bathroom is, but at least no one will know either, so it’s okay.’”
Pasquale mentioned that she emphasized to her daughter to approach her whenever she had a feeling or problem she wanted to talk about.
“I just told her that I’m here. I feel like I want her to know that I’m an open book and here to support her in anything that she might be going through this year,” she said.
Pasquale mentioned, as a parent, she of course had concerns but ultimately knows that learning and facing difficult situations is a part of life and trusting one’s child to handle those situations is important too.
“I want her to understand that the things she’s going to face are going to be growing her into the person that she is and I don’t want her to approach it in a nervous way because she’s going to be able to overcome anything,” she said. “I tell my daughter that this is preparation for life, we’re always going to have to deal with people and situations that aren’t to our liking. You might have teachers that aren’t the best or doing things the way you’d like them to, but you still have to show them respect. You still have to learn how to function under pressure.”
For parents who also have kids transitioning to middle school, she suggests parents take the time to sit down with their children and try engaging in complex conversations that allow both parties to open up and talk about hard feelings or problems.
“It’s important for parents to just encourage their children and tell them that you are there for them, no matter what. Especially because there is so much bullying and not everyone is being raised in a way that’s great, not everybody has a support system at home, so parents just really have to be there, and talk to their children,” she said. “I think it’s very important that parents actually have real conversations with their children instead of just ‘we need to do this, we need to go here.’ People need to actually sit down and be a safe space for their kids in these times, especially going into middle school because there’s all the hormones and everybody is changing. Everything is fast-paced, and I just feel like home needs to be the safe area where parents really listen to their kids.”
Pasquale also believes the transition from middle school might be the toughest because of physical and emotional changes in addition to more challenging material.
“The workload automatically gets harder and there’s also just emotional things happening. With the hormone changes, I think emotions run high which can be one of the more challenging things,” she said.
Carter advises that parents model healthy communication and take their children to the new environment, if possible, to get acquainted with the new area in a less stressful situation than open house. Parents in Aiken County still have time to do that before school starts there on Aug. 15.
“Parents need to stay in communication with the teachers too and make them aware of the child’s situation and fears,” she said. “Let them know that your child might need a little extra TLC, or even talk with a parent who has more experience with the transition like a seventh-grade parent. Ask them what problems they ran into and what things they did to help.”
Carter also emphasizes that parents should keep up with what their child is learning in school and use that as an opening point of conversation to introduce harder topics. She also suggests parents give their child a note or treat, either in the morning or packed away in their lunch, to act as a sort of encouragement in case the day is hard.
“I think the emotional and physical changes are going to be more challenging than the academic ones,” Pasquale said. “That’s why communication is so important. Healthy communication at home is going to model to them how to do it in school.”
Liz Wright is a correspondent for The Augusta Press.
