With its strict hierarchy and rigid rules of conduct, some might think that sexual assault in the military would be a rare occurrence, but it does happen. Having a chain of command and fear of retaliation is sometimes the reason fewer people don’t come forward.
As part of sexual assault trauma awareness month, the Charlie Norwood VA Medical Center held a program in Augusta on April 28 titled, “Masks off: Healing after Hiding.”
Because many people wait to report sexual assault, they suffer from assault trauma that manifests itself in several forms, from severe depression to alcoholism to suicidal tendencies. While most victims of military sexual assault are women, according to the Veterans Administration, over one-third of those who report sexual assault trauma are men.
Tanea Walker, a local veteran who was once a drill sergeant, stood before a backdrop of hand-painted theatrical masks and personalized T-shirts and recounted her years-long descent into hell and described the process that ultimately saved her after her life spiraled out of control.
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“I feel happier today than I ever have. I am calm. I can’t remember the last time I got angry. But it wasn’t always like that; it wasn’t,” Walker said.
In 2015, Walker said she returned home exhausted from a long day at work and planned to go to bed early.
An acquaintance of Walker’s called and invited her to a movie, which she declined. He then asked her to go to a quick dinner and considering she was hungry, she agreed.
Walker said the outing was fun, and the conversation never trailed into inappropriate topics. When she got home, she invited the acquaintance in for a few minutes, but then told him she was extremely tired and wanted to call it a night. She saw him to the door and assumed he had left.
He hadn’t.
According to Walker, she woke up sometime later to find the man in her bed. Even though she had not consumed any alcohol that evening, she felt drunk and not in control. She was powerless to stop his advances.
The next morning, she awakened to find the man still in her house. She demanded he leave.
“The thing that probably traumatized me the most was when I asked him why he did it, he replied that he ‘couldn’t help himself,’” Walker said.
Walker then did what many rape victims do out of instinct. She took a shower and tried to wash the memory of the event away and inadvertently washed away possible evidence. According to Walker, when she did report the rape to police, she wasn’t taken seriously.
The rape took away the strong self-esteem being a drill sergeant had given her and made her fearful of her own shadow. Walker said her fear was so great that she would sometimes sleep in her car because she was terrified of waking up and finding the man in her bed again.
Walker became isolated, shunning events due to the chance she might encounter the man who raped her while out in public. When the pressure became too great, Walker asked to be given time away from her job but was ashamed to divulge the full reason she needed the time off.
On the one time she did go out in public for an event, Walker said a woman approached her, accused her of falsely accusing the man of rape and attempted to attack her with a machete.
Walker really began to fear not just for her safely, but for her life.
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The military did relocate Walker, but even the change of scenery did nothing to set her mind at ease and she took to drinking heavily and that led to her life falling apart. Walker was ordered to attend rehab, but she admitted despite hitting rock bottom, she had no interest in curbing her alcoholism.
“When I walked into rehab, I knew that I had no intention to stop drinking,” Walker said.
Walker was assigned to a 12-week program that ultimately lasted more than a year. Slowly, the trauma of the assault began to assuage.
“Finally, I knew I had made it, I walked confidently into my appointment, and I told my therapist that it was time for us to break up. I felt healed, and I also felt that there were many others that needed help, and it wasn’t fair for me to take their slot,” Walker said.
While the military of yore might not have taken sexual assault within its ranks very seriously, today’s modern military does.
The Veterans Administration provides inpatient, outpatient and residential care for victims of military sexual assault trauma. Victims do not need to have reported the assault, nor are they required to provide evidence of an actual attack to receive treatment. A TRICARE referral is also not needed.
Any veteran needing help can visit https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/msthome.asp for more information.
Scott Hudson is the senior reporter for The Augusta Press. Reach him at scott@theaugustapress.com
