Every region of the great United States has its own linguistic quirks and peculiar phrases, but the American South has enough colorful language to “sho nuff” give a morphologist a migraine.
In fact, going from North to South can almost be like traveling from London, where the Queen’s English is spoken, to Belfast, Ireland where the dialect might have one asking, “Cad a chiallaíonn an heck sin?” (What the heck does that mean?)
One favorite -ism that leaves non-Southerners confused is “I just love him to death, oh, now git over here and gimme some sugar, boy!”
The first phrase likely began as “love him ‘til death,” which is still pretty morbid, but in the South, you can’t love an enemy “to death.” That honor only goes to someone you want sugar (a kiss on the cheek) from.
Only in the South can a simple word such as “broken” be turned into the phrase “done gone cattywampus.” So, here is a tip for any transplanted Northerner: if you think you know what is wrong with your car, tell your mechanic, “That ole aldernater has done gone cattywampus on me, you mind tho’in another one in there?”
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Trust me, your mechanic will know exactly what you mean and may give you a discount.
Some Southernisms came about as an aversion to cussing in front of strangers or acquaintances, and Lord forbid, the preacher.
For men, “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle,” shows mild frustration, and “I ain’t never seen the like in my life” means someone’s dander is ‘bout to get riled. However, if the language gets ratcheted up to “dad blame you sumbich,” then look out ‘cause Grandpa is “about to get besides himself.”
The stereotype is that Southern women are the epitome of decorum and hospitality, but there’s far more to most Southern women than pearls and heels for afternoon tea. Real Southern women know how to drive a stick, fire a gun and break a chicken’s neck with one flick of the wrist — or, today, maybe that last one equates to getting to Fresh Market on Tuesdays for the chicken deal.
Southern women know how to insult someone to their face and make them think it’s a compliment.
The go-to favorite is “Well, bless your heart,” which translates to “Well, it sounds like you had it comin’ you dunce.” Another is for a woman to bend over and pinch an overdressed child on the cheek at a birthday party while keeping her gaze firmly on the child’s mother and saying, “Well aren’t you precious, why is she’s as pretty as a peach!”
Here is what the Southern woman is really saying, “That Myra done brought her young’un to a birthday party lookin’ like a high falootin’ floozy. I declare that woman is plumb crazy!”
Now, Southern women may carry on the veneer of politeness; but if pushed too far, a Southern woman can spit out more cuss words than Carter has little pills.
One of the warning signs is to hear, “Heavens to Betsy.” Now, no one knows who Betsy is or what Heaven has to do with it, but rest assured that phrase means Mama’s gettin’ mad.
The next step up, is “I am just fit to be tied,” and if you hear that, then it may be time for someone to quit being ugly ‘cause the next thing out of her mouth is gonna be “You just sit there and stew in your own juices or I’ll tell you how the cow ate the cabbage!”
That’s when you know you better run like Hell’s bells ‘cause Mama is as mad as a wet hen.
There are plenty of fun Southernisms, and I could go on for days, but I been drinkin’ so much of this here sweet tea, my eyeballs are floating (look that one up).
…And that is something(s) you may not have known.
Scott Hudson is the senior reporter for The Augusta Press. Reach him at scott@theaugustapress.com
